What the heck is wrong with me??

I mean, seriously?? Why did I let myself get to this point, huh??

Earlier today at work I was sitting in my lifeguard chair thinking. (I know, me thinking is probably not a good thing, but sometimes I can't help it.) So, I was sitting and thinking about the past few months of my life and how sad they have been and how I haven't felt like much of a person. And then I had this revelation...and it's totally surprising...How am I NOT a person?!?!

People for months have been telling me over and over again about how great of a person I am. They tell me I'm beautiful and smart and that I'm seriously going places. And every time I said, "Thanks" and rolled my eyes thinking to myself, 'Who the heck are they? They are dumb for thinking that...'

But today I was thinking, 'You know, I really do have a lot going for me.'

This is my list:
1. I'm pretty smart--I work hard at school. A) because I love it and B)because I want to do well and succeed in my life so I can help provide for my family(that's if I ever find a man that I'll love enough to marry and have said family with--that feeling was pretty intense with Erik, I don't know how that feeling could be matched, so the jury is still out on that one)
2. I'm funny(at least in my own head)--I love to laugh and I love to make people laugh. Having fun is important to me and so is laughing. So therefore, I like to make both happen, both for my enjoyment and for others.
3. I'm not too shabby to look at I guess--I've never really thought that I was that attractive. In fact, Erik was the first guy that I've dated to flat out tell me I'm beautiful on a regular basis, let alone at all.
4. I'm goal-oriented--I have a lot of things that I want to do in my life that are important to me. For instance, I'm studying abroad starting in January in Geneva, Switzerland. I'll be getting valuable work experience there and valuable experiences that I can't get anywhere else. Especially the classroom.

I'm sure that there are other things...right?!...that are there that I can't think of. But I think that these reasons are a pretty good start. I mean, I'm a good person, I just have to find my confidence that I think attracts people to me. Hopefully soon I'll be back on my feet, not completely worrying about this certain person that won't talk to me...dear God, I hope so!!