For any of you who believe in God or a higher power or what have you, how do you know what the answer to your prayers are?
For the past several months I have been praying before I go to sleep. Now, this is probably a normal thing for most people but I usually don't pray. I'm not a super religious person, never have been, but I do believe there is a God out there somewhere, I just gotta wait for Sam and Dean Winchester to track him down. Anyway, I started this praying thing because, A)I needed to pray, it helped me feel a little better, and B) I'm used to talking to someone right before I fell asleep, so that helped too.
So now, here's my dilemma. How do I know what my answer is? I know I'm supposed to be patient or whatever and wait for a sign or something, but how does one know that that right there is the answer? Is it a feeling or a big flashing neon sign or a song that starts playing on the radio? I DON'T KNOW!!! I mean, my prayers have been basically the same thing every night. Some days I feel OK and some days I would love to go and fling myself off of a really tall bridge. And then other days Erik is all I can think about and I feel OK about it and others I want to hide from the world and cry all day long. And then there are the days I have been having lately, where I feel somewhat OK, even though I miss Erik all day long, and I just think to myself, "Hang in there, the fight isn't over yet, he can come back you just have to be patient and live your life and love yourself." Now, if these thoughts have any merit, that would be GREAT! But, what if they don't? What is my brain/heart are still just clinging? What if he never wants to speak to me again even though I feel like I'm at the point where I can call him and talk to him without my voice being shaky, just my hands on the other side of the phone where he can't see them! (Muahahah!)
I don't like "What ifs.." they make me nervous.
In my opinion there are really only 3 answers: yes, no, and wait... and 2 of those answers aren’t yes. And a sign from God is more likely than not going to be a sign from the fact that everything is random. I believe in God, I can't not, I feel it in my heart... but I believe in God as more of a casual observer who loves me and wants me to be well. I believe the world is the way it is so that things keep on happening even if we're stagnant, so although he made the patterns and understands how they work, he doesn't have to constantly monitor things, it just works. Trust in that, that things will just work, because that’s how they were made. Don't look for a sign, because you will probably misinterpret something for a sign that was really just a random happening. Love is crazy and messed up and powerful, so why should getting over, or past, or around it be easy? It's not, so don't try to rush things. Just let the world work the way it does, in a completely chaotic way that miraculously includes us. I hope you don't mind that I comment so much, I just feel like you pose good questions and I have opinions.
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