Friday, July 9, 2010
How do you know?
How do you know if you are ready to talk to your former significant other? It has been about two and a half months since I've talked to Erik. The longest two and a half months of my life...but today all I could think of was calling him and just saying hi. I mean, I've wanted to do that since the moment he walked out of my door and away from me for what feels like forever. But how do you know if you are ready? Erik was my best friend for the past two and a half years, sometimes I still feel like he is. He got me and knew me better than I knew myself sometimes and I absolutely loved that. But today, after having an incredibly long and tiring and just plain annoying day, I'll I wanted to do was curl up in bed and hear his voice on the other end of the phone. And not because I wanted to call and say, "I miss you and I love you," but to just see how he is. I mean, I miss him terribly, but I finally feel like there would be no underlying motive to my call. What stopped me then might you ask?? I am scared out of my mind!!! What if he doesn't answer and I leave a message and he never calls back? Or, what if he does answer and he acts like a jerk or he acts like..I don't know, something bad? My poor little heart can't take it. I hate nerves! He never made me nervous, he gave me butterflies in my stomach, but the good kind that made me smile and want to be around him all of the time. I don't know where to go from here...what if this is my window of opportunity and I have now missed it? Or, what if that would be the worst move that I could ever make? I don't know, this whole scary and unknown world with the boy I've been in love with for a long, long time, and the boy I will always love, is just hard to figure out. I don't know, what is the universe trying to tell me?