Tuesday, November 30, 2010

That's what she said...

You know what? I love my dirty mind. I cracked so many dirty jokes today that three bars of soap wouldn't have cleaned my mouth/brain.

It began when I was talking to Denise and my dirty little mind spun into action! She has this "lover" that I lovingly refer to as BAM! Yes, draw the necessary conclusions...you're not dumb. and I said, "Oh, bam...(wow, that sounds wrong)-whoch led to one of the greatest conversation of my life. We contiuned to say we were wrong but really, what other way is there to be?!

Me: Muahaha I love to laugh so wy not spread the joy?!
Denise: That too sounds like it could be dirty...I'll spread your joy... ;)

Seriously, dirty inuendos rule me life!

Which obviously led to the "creeping-on-other-peoples-cnversations" conversations. I mean, you can literally make anything dirty from eavesdropping...

An example you ask? Why, yes, here is an example:

Girl 1: Man, I was up all night, slaving away.
Girl 2: That sucks...did you get done?
Girl 1: NO...I was working so hard and no matter what I did I just couldn't finish.
Girl 2: That's too bad...are you going to have to go at it again tonight?
Girl 1: I have to, otherwise he'll think I'm worthless.

^^Bahahaha!^^ Oh, my dirty little mind...

[Side note: I'm really disappointed because I was looking online for some funny inuendos to add here but I couldn't find any good ones...Oh, internet, you sadden me...]

Anyway, I love a good dirty joke, so lay some on me! (DIRTY!)

Monday, November 29, 2010


OH MY F-ING BA-JESUS it's so cold!!! I hate cold. I hate winter and unfortunately I live in Ohio where the seasons are as follows:

1. Almost Winter
2. Winter
3. Still Winter
4. Construction

So. What does this mean for me?

It means that no matter what I do I have to wear about fifty-two layers in order to not freeze to death. It's always great because I look ridiculous. Uhhh...I mean ridiculously awesome in my lime green parka. I'm outside in that 'fresh' Ohio air and im shivering like an eighty-five year old with parkinson's. (omg, I'm a horrible person! I'm going to hell...) Yeah, it's so cool. (HA! No pun intended...or was it?!)

But it's that time again where Ohio is going to be colder that Antarctica on a balmy spring day. It's almost December (ugh) and it's going to snow. (NO IT'S NOT!!!) I hate snow...I think it should be added to that list of forbidden four letter words...it's a scary word and I don't like it.

The only reason I like snow is when it brings snow days. Which Kent does not like to give me. So therefore I am not a fan of it...

Things I do like about the snow:
1. It's pretty (as long as I'm inside)
2. I can make things with it! (like snowmen and snow angels!)
3. I can drink hot chocolate with TONS of marshmallows and not get weird looks for drinking in on a hot day in the middle of the summer
4. Snow days

Four things. That's it.

Snow is gross.

Ok, now I have to continue this list of "You know you're from Ohio if.." things because some of them are just TOO hilarious!

1. You measure distances in minutes
(HAHAHA! I totally do this ALL the time! I never know how many real miles it is to anywhere...)
2. You've had to turn on the A/C and the heat in the same day
(Oh, Ohio, what would we do without you..? Oh, I know, we would have normal temperatures...)
3. You design your kid's Halloween costumes to fit over a winter coat
(I remember wearing my winter coat...oh the good old days)
4. Driving in winter is better because the potholes are filled with snow.
(Driving in Ohio at any time of the year blows...)

I love random ranting...

Friday, November 26, 2010

Make new friends but keep the old

Oh bloggy bloggy blog...I've missed you so! I've just been so busy and I've been neglecting you...I hope you'll forgive me. I'll buy you some chocolate and we'll watch a movie and things will be ok. Promise!

So out of lack of things to say right now I thought I'd actually continue my 30 Days of Truth.


So I have this friend. Her name is Denise. I kind of love her. Like, a lot. I've known her since we were super little. We used to live three houses down from eachother until I had to move...(sad).

Growing up we did lots of things together. We would hang out after school (sometimes us and her boyfriend at which point they would start making out while I was trying to talk to her, at which point I would trail off into silence...)

We were totally awesome swim team kids! We would smim our little hearts out at the ass-crack of dawn and help heat up the pool water... :) We'd also make up songs about potatoes and sing about breadsticks. YUM! After swim practice we'd read Harry Potter. That was awesome. Oh the good ol' days...

Anyway, we started high school and kind of drifted... We both became consumed by work, school, boys, and new friends. But we always had summer. Not too long after that we started college and then we had a few years apart. I didn't realize just how much I missed her until we reconnected this past spring.

We reconnected under sad times but we totally got through things together. I'm so glad that we talk and see each other on a regular basis. She makes me laugh and smile and feel good about myself. She doesn't make fun of me when I do something/say something completely stupid(because I do that ALL THE TIME). We like to cook together. She even has a cooking blog!

I kind of love her. She's pretty cool. :)

I mean, who else would dress up like this with me?!

We're kind of awesome...

You should be totally jealous about how hot we are!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

OH Humanity...

I'm always surprised with myself that I get surprised at the idiocies (idiocracy? idiocracys? who the heck cares?!) of people...People do stupid things and it makes me want to punch them in the face. Grr....

Example 1!

So I work as a lifeguard at a wellness center where I pretty much watch old annoying people bob above the water for 45 minutes. And no I'm not kidding...I think my favorites are the old chubsters in speedos...yum yum! NOT! Anywho...so at work last night an old bald man in a speedo (ick!) asked me to make a double lane in the lap pool when it was flipping busy so he could do his "exercises." (and I air quote that because he literally did sicssor kicks in a giant rectangle for 35 minutes when two ladies in he lane next to him were doing more crap than he was in a SINGLE LANE!) Jerk...

Example 2!

Why do girls (and maybe boys, I don't have access to thier loos at school) write on bathroom stall walls?! Hello people...this is COLLEGE. Why the hell do I need to know that you like penis?! Grow. Up.

Also, there ARE trash cans...you should throw your candy wrappers in there instead of the toilet. I mean, I know they're both called CANS, but they have two very different uses here people...

Example 3!

I was texting my friend Kelly today and we were talking about some random crap. She was driving to school (naughty texter and driver...)and she saw a lovely bumper sticker that said, "Smile, your mommy was pro-life." What. The. Hell. Not everyones mothers were whores in high school and got knocked up at a young age or got drunk at a party and nine months later popped out a screaming sack of joy...

Hmmm...angry post...my bad...

Monday, November 15, 2010

I am alive....

I know I haven't written in two weeks...and yes I know only Denise reads my blog, but that's ok! hahaha! I've been crazy crazy CRAZY busy...but I'm going to start posting again soon because I miss it and I've have A LOT happening that I just feel the need to share. But not right now because I have class in like half an hour and I really should be reading To Kill a Mockingbird and not writing on my blog and surfing stalkerbook (a.k.a.-Facebook). Anywho, I'll be posting this week!


P.S.- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1 releases this week! I'm literally peeing my pants in excitement! I need a Ravenclaw tie...someone who loves me give me one!