Oh life...

Because I live in Ohio I'm oh so lucky to deal with this awesome thing call WEATHER. I hate it. This week the lovely Ohio sky has been nothing but gray clouds and rainy rain. It has made me feel super lethargic and sad. Too much has been happening and I. Need. SUN. I'm beginning to forget what it looks like and it's making me sadder...

So I moved into my apartment in August. It's super cute and I've decorated a bit. I've been having issues with my roomie though. I honestly never thought we would have a problem. We've been friends for a few years now and get along pretty well but she is all about staying in and doing absolutely nothing but work for school and I just want to have some fun on the weekends otherwise I'm gonna go crazy (again) and I just don't want that. I felt like she was judging me from her high horse and I basically told her to get off it and she started crying... We finally talked and by that I mean she talked for about two hours and I listened and we came to some sort of a let'spretendthatdidn'thappenandlifecanbejolly agreement and things are going better.

Then there's Kelly. Oh, Kelly. I don't even know where to begin with her. She's made me so mad. She called me last weekend about the whole Sri debocale and stuck her nose where it doesn't belong. Oh! And she basically called me an alcoholic...which is messed up seeing as I drink ONCE A WEEK. When I told her I was sorry that Sri put her in the middle she said, and I quote, "She didn't, I'm putting myself in the middle." GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BUSINESS. *and breathe* I love waiting for apologies that are never going to come...yeahooo!!!

Oh, and then on Wednesday night I went into freak out mode. I just LOVE freak out mode...and by that I mean I don't. Basically I have no flipping clue as to what I'm going to do come May when I graduate. What the hell do people do to figure that shit out?? Luckily I'm going to consult anyone who will talk to me in the desperate attempt to not end up living in a cardboard box on the side of the road selling paintings of dogs playing five card draw.

It's lucky I'm a woman and can marry rich. Bahahahaha! KIDDING! Kind of...

A scenario I hope never happens...

I'm actually writing one of the 30 Days of Truth posts because I feel like writing, I need to write to distract myself. There has been too much happening in the past few days that has messed with my head and feelings and whatever. Stupid emotions... So here we go...

Your best friend gets in a car accident and you just got in a fight, what do you do??

I hope that this would never ever happen, but you never know with the universe. And with my luck and life, it just might.

If Denise and I were to have a huge fight and then she would be in an accident, I would feel awful! I would be all, "Why couldn't we just agree that there was too much garlic in the flipping food?!?!" Because she and I really don't fight. We just talk about how we're feeling with each other and we know that no matter what we can tell each other anything without feeling bad about it. We're kind of awesome like that. :D and then I would rush to where ever she was and hug her and smooch her face and tell her, "You're right! There's no such thing as too much garlic! Love me again!" Then life would be ok again.

After that we would laugh, cry, and laugh some more. I would bring her mashed potatoes every day and read her Harry Potter. And probably the Hunger Games. Love books!!!

Patience, grasshopper.

Lately I feel like my life has become a teeny drama on ABC Family and I'm not really ok with that...just sayin...

Erik contacted me about a month ago...I really had no idea what to think about the whole thing, but boy did all of my friends and family. Everyone was telling me what an ass he is and how dare he talk to me again! I was all like, Dude, I've wanted to talk to him since he walked out my door last April. Back off!

Since then we've texted a lot. Nothing too serious. We met for lunch a week ago...that was interesting. Some of the stuff he told me I was like, SERIOUSLY?! What happened to you?! And other stuff I was like, wow, you've grown up a lot...

I'm totally confused about everything. I miss him. A lot. Seeing him didn't give me butterflies, but it reminded me of old times in a way. Since then I've realized, that despite him having hurt me and him becoming someone I didn't know he would ever be even though he has said he isn't happy, and I can see the guy I know and loved in there, he just has to find him...and want to find him... I still care about him. If he were to call me up and say, I want to give this another try, I wouldn't hesitate. I would say, took you long enough to realize that we're supposed to be together. DUH.

After having lunch last week I didn't hear from him for days...I went to the bar, met a guy who I thought was pretty ok, but found out he's a crazy mean jerk!, then on the way home lost it and sobbed about how much I missed Erik, and why won't he talk to me?! So when I stopped being a blubbering mess I sent him a text and asked if we were never going to talk again...when he replied in the morning he said that he just had a lot on his mind after we hung out. Which I get. Completely. We were both confused... So I told him to let me know if he wanted to talk about stuff and to let me know when he's figured stuff out. He said, "I will. Promise."

We've talked since then, but not about what he was confused about. I actually heard from him that same day, which totally surprised me because I figured that I wouldn't hear from him for a long time. Perhaps that is why I'm going so crazy, I've heard from him but not about what he was thinking, so he wants to talk to me but either still doesn't know or doesn't want to tell me...I think I'm going with the first. It just makes the most sense to me right now... I want to know...it's starting to bother me. But I just have to be patient. I can't let this get to me and I have to let him come to me. If I push, I'll lose him again. And I don't want that. Once was bad enough. I mean, I could do it again if I had to. I know I'll survive because I have once already. I know that if he had figured it out he would tell me. He's a guy, they aren't all, Let's play mind games, yay!! No. He would just tell me. Patience, patience, patience. Must have patience.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:D

Yes, I know I've crazy...

I'm in a tizzy!

Being home has been an interesting experience. Almost as interesting as galavanting around Europe for four months. A lot has happened this past year, and today in therapy I started to fully realize how much I've really changed and grown and how much more I will change.

To begin with, I'm moving out. Yes. I'm truly going to be an adult-like person and rent my own apartment with my good friend Sri. I think it will be awesome. But scary. EEP! Today I switched the electric and internet bills to my name. BILLS?! Really..?? Ugh...

I got asked out on a date. By a guy at Autozone when my alternator totally died and I needed a new one. Yeah. Smooth...bahahah...

I haven't gone on the date yet though because, well, I don't know. I do know that I've been super busy with work. It's basically consuming my life and eating my soul. You should be totally jealous. Though I really can't complain because I need the money like whoa bad! Also, I think he may be a slacker guy based on the fact that he has been in college just as long as I have, if not a bit longer, and has no major to speak of and no clue what to do with his life. I'm driven. I need someone else who is so I'm not all like, Hey man, I'm running the world over here, care to put the beer down and help?

But then again, what's one date?

But why waste my time?

So. Many. Options.

Plus, I just have so much to think about. I'm still working on getting over the whole Erik debacle and learning how to do things for myself. I'm enjoying the single life, but I still miss having a partner. I'm learning to be my own anchor.

As always, I'm working on the weight situation. Last year I dropped forty pounds and felt sick all the time. When I went to Europe I gained about thirty and when I came home I kept gaining. Ick.. So I started working out even though I HATE working out. But I want to feel better about myself. Plus I want to fit into and look good in the clothes that I bought not very long ago.

Love working on things for myself. :) It's new.

Well that was interesting...

I can't remember if I've ever talked about my car before. If not, this is the basic run down of the hunk-o-junk that is my car...

It's a 1998 Chevy Cavalier and I named him Carlisle. And it falls apart. All. The. Time.

I got it two years ago and since then many things have broken on it. The coolant pipe broke and all the coolant leaked out of it. By the way, the mechanic looked at me and said, "I've never seen a coolant pipe break before...and I've been a mechanic for a looong time." Great Mr. Mechanic man, I appreciate that... I needed a new muffler when it decided to FALL OFF my car...oh, oh! And the center pipe had a whole in it so I had to get that fixed. And when the muffler fell of it rubbed on the tire, causing it to get to the point where if I had driven a little further it would have burst and I would have died! Hmmm...then there is the leak in my power steering fluid line, so my car squeaks when it's empty. And the engine is making some random loud noise and I can't figure out what's wrong with it...and now the alternator died. WOOOHOOO!!!!

So yesterday, when the battery light came on, I took Carlisle to Autozone to have them test it. And this guy helped me out whilst flirting with me. Which, ya know, why the hell not?? And he told me what was wrong so when I went back today he was there again. He needed my number for something in the computer. When I left he asked if that number was good to call. Soooo I'm going on a date. EEEEEPPP! This is soo weird. I went to the movies and such with Jason, but I don't know how that went and I haven't been on a date since then.

I guess I'm just nervous. I think it'll be fun though. I mean, it's just one night. Right? Why the hell not.