Patience, grasshopper.

Lately I feel like my life has become a teeny drama on ABC Family and I'm not really ok with that...just sayin...

Erik contacted me about a month ago...I really had no idea what to think about the whole thing, but boy did all of my friends and family. Everyone was telling me what an ass he is and how dare he talk to me again! I was all like, Dude, I've wanted to talk to him since he walked out my door last April. Back off!

Since then we've texted a lot. Nothing too serious. We met for lunch a week ago...that was interesting. Some of the stuff he told me I was like, SERIOUSLY?! What happened to you?! And other stuff I was like, wow, you've grown up a lot...

I'm totally confused about everything. I miss him. A lot. Seeing him didn't give me butterflies, but it reminded me of old times in a way. Since then I've realized, that despite him having hurt me and him becoming someone I didn't know he would ever be even though he has said he isn't happy, and I can see the guy I know and loved in there, he just has to find him...and want to find him... I still care about him. If he were to call me up and say, I want to give this another try, I wouldn't hesitate. I would say, took you long enough to realize that we're supposed to be together. DUH.

After having lunch last week I didn't hear from him for days...I went to the bar, met a guy who I thought was pretty ok, but found out he's a crazy mean jerk!, then on the way home lost it and sobbed about how much I missed Erik, and why won't he talk to me?! So when I stopped being a blubbering mess I sent him a text and asked if we were never going to talk again...when he replied in the morning he said that he just had a lot on his mind after we hung out. Which I get. Completely. We were both confused... So I told him to let me know if he wanted to talk about stuff and to let me know when he's figured stuff out. He said, "I will. Promise."

We've talked since then, but not about what he was confused about. I actually heard from him that same day, which totally surprised me because I figured that I wouldn't hear from him for a long time. Perhaps that is why I'm going so crazy, I've heard from him but not about what he was thinking, so he wants to talk to me but either still doesn't know or doesn't want to tell me...I think I'm going with the first. It just makes the most sense to me right now... I want to know...it's starting to bother me. But I just have to be patient. I can't let this get to me and I have to let him come to me. If I push, I'll lose him again. And I don't want that. Once was bad enough. I mean, I could do it again if I had to. I know I'll survive because I have once already. I know that if he had figured it out he would tell me. He's a guy, they aren't all, Let's play mind games, yay!! No. He would just tell me. Patience, patience, patience. Must have patience.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:D

Yes, I know I've crazy...