That good old Irish guilt

Oh the irony of your heritage...

Yes, I'm Irish...and I am PROUD of it! :) I'm a quarter Irish and then about a twelve other things...but we (my family) ignore those...we're Irish, mmk?!

I know I don't really "look" Irish because I don't have that flowing red hair or the pale skin of an albino, but I really am! I love me some potatoes and I have that good ol' Irish guilt.

Now, you may be asking what is this Irish guilt you speak of? Well, basically it ties to our strong Catholic roots and the issue of sin. If we do something wrong it is drilled into us that we are terrible people for what we have done and we do everything in our power to make it better.

And now we get serious...This is my problem with my depression, my anxiety, and my breakup.

I can't seem to let myself off the hook for what happened and I'm taking all of the blame when I know I shouldn't be. This is something else I need to change about myself. I need to know that it wasn't all my fault and that Erik had a big part in this. This isn't a guilt I need to own entirely on my own. I need to tell myself that every day. I need to remind myself that he took out his frustrations with his mom on me and that wasn't fair. I also need to remind myself that he didn't communicate his feelings with me and that wasn't something I could make him do no matter how many times I asked him.

This is hard for me because I'm used to taking all of the blame and the hurt because I was always taught to be "the bigger person." And I think that I ingrained that so much in my thinking that I felt like I needed to take the responsibility of actions for everyone.

I know I need to pick myself up off the metaphorical floor(and sometimes the actual floor..) and keep going because only I can make myself better. I can beat this feeling of emptiness and sadness because it isn't who I am. I am a happy person who wants to have fun. I've been her before and I can be her again, especially since I was so fond of her.



And a little song that describes me right now:

"Yesterday,
All my troubles seemed so far away,
Now it looks as though they're here to stay,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Suddenly,
I'm not half the man I used to be,
There's a shadow hanging over me,
Oh, yesterday came suddenly.

Why she
Had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say.
I said,
Something wrong, now I long for yesterday.

Yesterday,
Love was such an easy game to play,
Now I need a place to hide away,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Why she
Had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say.
I said,
Something wrong, now I long for yesterday.

Yesterday,
Love was such an easy game to play,
Now I need a place to hide away,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm."
-Yesterday: The Beatles