Friday, September 17, 2010

Something I hope I never have to do...

I've been thinking about this one and I'm not really sure what it is that I hope to never do. I mean, there are a lot of really horrible things in this world and you can't really avoid them no matter what. Heart ache, death, cancer, any other horrible disease...none of these things are good and none of them are fun. But what is it that I truly hope to avoid? That I wouldn't touch with a 9 1/2 foot pole? I really don't know....

I can't say that I've lived through a genocide or that I know anyone that has been murdered, but I do know that my life has been no cake walk. I know I complain sometimes but I really shouldn't. I've always had what I've needed: a warm bed, three meals, a loving family. Why should I complain, right?

There is a day, though, that sticks out in my mind that I would NEVER in my life want to live through ever ever again. It was April 16, 2010. This is the day, I feel, that I lost so much.

On that day my cousin woke up in a hospital ER and she called me sobbing. Luckily I was awake at 5:00 a.m. for work so that I could go and get her. When I arrived at the hospital I found out some really devastating news while holding my cousin, who is like my little sister, in my arms, trying to calm her sobs. She was found naked, passed out, in front of her dorm room door. No one knew how she got there. She didn't remember what happened. The last thing she remembered was hanging out in her friends dorm two floors below drinking with some friends. The nurse said she had refused a rape kit. I tried to get her to do it. She wouldn't. She said she trusted the people she was with and didn't think that would do anything like that to her. I took her back to my house and put her in my bed to sleep.

The rest of the morning was a blur. I went back to work and then went home. I skipped my class that morning because I wanted to be home with my cousin woke up. When she finally did I talked to her about going back to the hospital to get a kit done, just to be safe, I said. She agreed but wanted to call her friend whose room she had been in the night before, just to see if she knew what happened. She didn't. In fact, she had woken up in a peculiar way...she wasn't in pajamas. She was in leggings. That's it. And she hadn't worn leggings that night before. My heart dropped. I told her that I was taking my cousin to the hospital. I offered to come and get her as well. She said yes. My heart was just all over the place. I felt helpless and like life was ending. Not one, but two people I cared about were in a position I would never wish on anyone. I had been talking to Erik about it all day and I was stressing out. I needed him but I felt like he wasn't supporting me. He had a concert that night that he was going to with his friends, and I wasn't asking him to skip it, I was asking him not to play raquett ball and talk to me. I needed that distraction, but he couldn't give it to me. We got in to a fight that started us on the road to our breakup...

So the girls called their mothers. Two conversations I never wanted to have. I promised them that I would stay with them and be there no matter what. They were on their way, but they needed me. I had two mothers, the women that are supposed to be depended upon, depending on me. I was trying to comfort them while trying not to fall apart myself. I was telling these two girls everything was going to be ok. Hugging them and letting them joke away the situation.

You know how bad things happen in threes? Well...ta da! In the afternoon one of my friends from high school texted me and told me that I girl I had gone to high school with died unexpectedly. It was like the cherry on top of the cake of misery.

All in all I had spent about ten hours in the hospital. I felt like my life was crumbling and I was losing everything. Definately an experience that I would never want to go through again and I would never wish that on anyone.

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