Farfanugen

Yes, I just said farfanugen and no I will not take it back.

Some words you just gotta say and farfanugen is one of them today.

Today we shall be exploring why the question of, why in the hell do men not make any sense. Ok. Ready? Because we're starting.

This guy from my class (no, not annoying Patrick) and I have been seeing each other for about two months now. His name is Jason and he is a 23 year old frat boy. (Yes, a frat boy. I know you're shocked because who in their right mind actually likes a frat boy when you are not a sorority girl? Which he told me a should be btw and made me want to both jump off the library AND vomit at the same time.) Anywho...I like him and he likes me. He just doesn't stay consistent in the whole, I-like-you-so-I'm-going-to-make-sure-you-know-it game.

When we first started talking he was super flirty and super sweet. We joked around (a.k.a.-I made fun of him with my sarcastic smart-assery and he tried to understand whatever the hell I was saying) and we picked on each other for going to rival high schools. (Side note: St. Vincent-St. Mary kicks ass an anyone who thinks otherwise is a pantlicking fool.)

He asked to hang out with me a lot (which was a new thing for me because I'm a planner and boys I have liked tended to just wait for me to suggest something) which I loved! We would go to the movies and cuddle up next to each other then go to his house and smooch for a while. :)

Then I spent the three days before Thanksgiving break with him. He got so drunk he blacked out(don't ever drink three Fou Locos) and I told him he was being a total jerk (and a tool, but I kept that to myself). After break he barely talked to me or looked at me in our classes together. Lame.

The other night I was at my friend's 21st birthday and I invited him over to eat some cheesecake but he had to write lots of papers for finals this week. I said he was lame but that it was cool. Wes all gots to study, yo.

Later he texted me and said sorry for being evasive, and that he didn't know what I wanted him to say. He said he thinks I'm great but he isn't looking for a relationship.

SDFGTHUJKOLHYGTREFDVGBHNJKHGFDSDFG!
*and breathe*

First of all, I'm leaving the country in literally three weeks. I'm not looking for a relationship either. That's stupid. What. The. Fuck.

Secondly, I never told him I wanted a relationship. Alls I want is someone to hang out with and snuggle with because I'm a cuddle whore and I don't care who knows it. I told him I liked him and that I didn't see a problem with us just hanging out. I don't have any expectations-yes I know all men believe all women have pre-planned expectations because they are all certifiable, well not this woman (i'm still a girl!!!), I'm just certifiable.

So he said that was good.

Yes. Very good indeed, Ellen.

But where is the blazes does that leave us?!

Hang on, I'll tell you...

IT LEAVES US IN THE BIG DARK ABYSS OF EVASIVE LAND. *cue daunting music*

I mean, God forbid I ask and he think I'm still "pressing the issue" (his words, not mine). Why is it soo horrible to ask?! So now I feel like a ninny every time I hear from him because I get excited that he's ACTUALLY calling or texting me and then my mind goes into hyper-drive of "So he's calling me but does he REALLY want to be talking to me right now when he could be off in la-la land playing Call of Duty and killing zoombies/communists/zoombie-communists?! He could be doing anything, why in the name of all that is holy is he talking to me?! BLAAAARRR!!!!! I'm gross and stupid and annoying and I burp a lot. How is it that he is thinking, this girl could be someone that doesn't make me want to hurl a thousand chunks of hot pockets out of my belly..." (Basically this is the way my brain runs, and yes it goes further. Don't question it. Just deal.)

SO you doesn't want a relationship. Big. Flipping. Deal. You started off ACTING like you did, but I get it, you can change your mind. It's your perrogative as a woman. Just stop confusing the ever living madness out of me.

I'm confused. Perhaps I'll egg his house. :)

[Editor's note: I posted this, the guy read it. We had words. Now we're-ahem-"just friends" which is fine because he's been acting like an even BIGGER jerk.]