Saturday, June 26, 2010

I wish I could be in Neverland

Growing up I always loved my Disney movies, I mean, who didn't? My all time favorite has always been, and will always be, Peter Pan. My mom used to tell that I would ask her if I could change my name to Wendy. Probably because I wanted to fly and hang out with mermaids and Peter, and the name change would make that possible (gotta love my childhood mentality). I don't know what has always drawn me to this story, but it has. I think as I got a little older and was often called upon as the "dependable child" the concept of a Neverland became that much nearer and dearer to my heart.
Recently I bought the book Peter Pan, by J.M. Barrie. Reading it makes me a little sad because I feel like my childhood is so far away from me. I just turned twenty, so my teenage years are behind me and my childhood is even further. Lately I've wanted nothing more than to be a little kid again. Don't get me wrong, for the most part I enjoy my life, it's just the recent changes, as you know, that I am not a fan of. I don't know, I feel like Neverland, with it's scathing pirates and foreboding forests, would be something much easier to deal with. Maybe it's because I want nothing more than to flee from my life. Nothing feels right to me anymore. My future feels so dark and gloomy. I feel like I'm destined to be alone, no matter how many times people tell me that I'm crazy. I can't help how I feel though, it's just the way that it is. I would love to fix everything, I mean, I AM a fixer after all...but I know that I probably can't. That would call for something I know that I'm not ready for, at least not right now, no matter how much I wish I was ready...I'll make it there someday, and if I don't, I guess it just wasn't meant to be. That thought makes me extremely sad...

If I had one wish, it would be to meet Peter Pan and be whisked off to the second star to the right.

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