Wednesday, June 23, 2010

How does this work exactly?

How can you just let go of something (or someone) that has meant the world to you? Over the past couple of months I have been trying extremely hard to let go of the one person who meant everything to me. This unexplainable pain and emptiness and sadness that won't go away...I don't know how to deal with it anymore. Life just seems so pointless sometimes that doing anything short of hiding in my bed seems like the worst idea ever.
I have found that all I have been doing with my life lately is trying to keep myself busy. Fill my time with fun activities with friends. I love my friends for helping me stay as busy as possible, but nothing seems to be helping. I used to be such an optimistic person who would try and build everyone up. I put everyone's needs before mine, I still do, because I love helping other people and making sure that they are OK. Now, I don't know how to take care of myself and make things better for me and what my needs are. How can I do that? I can't even concentrate half of the time because my mind just wanders to the one person that I never see or talk to and that I miss more that I have ever missed anyone.
Lately, something inside me has been telling me to hold on. I can feel it in my heart and it's just saying, wait a little longer...but how can this be? Why can't I just say, "Enough! He doesn't want to be with me any longer, suck it up and move on!" It would be so nice if I could do would be nice to let go and feel like I can breathe again. I miss feeling happy and strong and like nothing could go wrong because I am in love with my best friend. That was the best feeling in the entire world...

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