A scenario I hope never happens...

I'm actually writing one of the 30 Days of Truth posts because I feel like writing, I need to write to distract myself. There has been too much happening in the past few days that has messed with my head and feelings and whatever. Stupid emotions... So here we go...

Your best friend gets in a car accident and you just got in a fight, what do you do??

I hope that this would never ever happen, but you never know with the universe. And with my luck and life, it just might.

If Denise and I were to have a huge fight and then she would be in an accident, I would feel awful! I would be all, "Why couldn't we just agree that there was too much garlic in the flipping food?!?!" Because she and I really don't fight. We just talk about how we're feeling with each other and we know that no matter what we can tell each other anything without feeling bad about it. We're kind of awesome like that. :D and then I would rush to where ever she was and hug her and smooch her face and tell her, "You're right! There's no such thing as too much garlic! Love me again!" Then life would be ok again.

After that we would laugh, cry, and laugh some more. I would bring her mashed potatoes every day and read her Harry Potter. And probably the Hunger Games. Love books!!!

Patience, grasshopper.

Lately I feel like my life has become a teeny drama on ABC Family and I'm not really ok with that...just sayin...

Erik contacted me about a month ago...I really had no idea what to think about the whole thing, but boy did all of my friends and family. Everyone was telling me what an ass he is and how dare he talk to me again! I was all like, Dude, I've wanted to talk to him since he walked out my door last April. Back off!

Since then we've texted a lot. Nothing too serious. We met for lunch a week ago...that was interesting. Some of the stuff he told me I was like, SERIOUSLY?! What happened to you?! And other stuff I was like, wow, you've grown up a lot...

I'm totally confused about everything. I miss him. A lot. Seeing him didn't give me butterflies, but it reminded me of old times in a way. Since then I've realized, that despite him having hurt me and him becoming someone I didn't know he would ever be even though he has said he isn't happy, and I can see the guy I know and loved in there, he just has to find him...and want to find him... I still care about him. If he were to call me up and say, I want to give this another try, I wouldn't hesitate. I would say, took you long enough to realize that we're supposed to be together. DUH.

After having lunch last week I didn't hear from him for days...I went to the bar, met a guy who I thought was pretty ok, but found out he's a crazy mean jerk!, then on the way home lost it and sobbed about how much I missed Erik, and why won't he talk to me?! So when I stopped being a blubbering mess I sent him a text and asked if we were never going to talk again...when he replied in the morning he said that he just had a lot on his mind after we hung out. Which I get. Completely. We were both confused... So I told him to let me know if he wanted to talk about stuff and to let me know when he's figured stuff out. He said, "I will. Promise."

We've talked since then, but not about what he was confused about. I actually heard from him that same day, which totally surprised me because I figured that I wouldn't hear from him for a long time. Perhaps that is why I'm going so crazy, I've heard from him but not about what he was thinking, so he wants to talk to me but either still doesn't know or doesn't want to tell me...I think I'm going with the first. It just makes the most sense to me right now... I want to know...it's starting to bother me. But I just have to be patient. I can't let this get to me and I have to let him come to me. If I push, I'll lose him again. And I don't want that. Once was bad enough. I mean, I could do it again if I had to. I know I'll survive because I have once already. I know that if he had figured it out he would tell me. He's a guy, they aren't all, Let's play mind games, yay!! No. He would just tell me. Patience, patience, patience. Must have patience.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:D

Yes, I know I've crazy...

I'm in a tizzy!

Being home has been an interesting experience. Almost as interesting as galavanting around Europe for four months. A lot has happened this past year, and today in therapy I started to fully realize how much I've really changed and grown and how much more I will change.

To begin with, I'm moving out. Yes. I'm truly going to be an adult-like person and rent my own apartment with my good friend Sri. I think it will be awesome. But scary. EEP! Today I switched the electric and internet bills to my name. BILLS?! Really..?? Ugh...

I got asked out on a date. By a guy at Autozone when my alternator totally died and I needed a new one. Yeah. Smooth...bahahah...

I haven't gone on the date yet though because, well, I don't know. I do know that I've been super busy with work. It's basically consuming my life and eating my soul. You should be totally jealous. Though I really can't complain because I need the money like whoa bad! Also, I think he may be a slacker guy based on the fact that he has been in college just as long as I have, if not a bit longer, and has no major to speak of and no clue what to do with his life. I'm driven. I need someone else who is so I'm not all like, Hey man, I'm running the world over here, care to put the beer down and help?

But then again, what's one date?

But why waste my time?

So. Many. Options.

Plus, I just have so much to think about. I'm still working on getting over the whole Erik debacle and learning how to do things for myself. I'm enjoying the single life, but I still miss having a partner. I'm learning to be my own anchor.

As always, I'm working on the weight situation. Last year I dropped forty pounds and felt sick all the time. When I went to Europe I gained about thirty and when I came home I kept gaining. Ick.. So I started working out even though I HATE working out. But I want to feel better about myself. Plus I want to fit into and look good in the clothes that I bought not very long ago.

Love working on things for myself. :) It's new.

Well that was interesting...

I can't remember if I've ever talked about my car before. If not, this is the basic run down of the hunk-o-junk that is my car...

It's a 1998 Chevy Cavalier and I named him Carlisle. And it falls apart. All. The. Time.

I got it two years ago and since then many things have broken on it. The coolant pipe broke and all the coolant leaked out of it. By the way, the mechanic looked at me and said, "I've never seen a coolant pipe break before...and I've been a mechanic for a looong time." Great Mr. Mechanic man, I appreciate that... I needed a new muffler when it decided to FALL OFF my car...oh, oh! And the center pipe had a whole in it so I had to get that fixed. And when the muffler fell of it rubbed on the tire, causing it to get to the point where if I had driven a little further it would have burst and I would have died! Hmmm...then there is the leak in my power steering fluid line, so my car squeaks when it's empty. And the engine is making some random loud noise and I can't figure out what's wrong with it...and now the alternator died. WOOOHOOO!!!!

So yesterday, when the battery light came on, I took Carlisle to Autozone to have them test it. And this guy helped me out whilst flirting with me. Which, ya know, why the hell not?? And he told me what was wrong so when I went back today he was there again. He needed my number for something in the computer. When I left he asked if that number was good to call. Soooo I'm going on a date. EEEEEPPP! This is soo weird. I went to the movies and such with Jason, but I don't know how that went and I haven't been on a date since then.

I guess I'm just nervous. I think it'll be fun though. I mean, it's just one night. Right? Why the hell not.

I need a life.

Dear GOD I haven't written in FOR.EV.ER.

Probably because I have nothing, and I mean NOTHING to talk about since returning home from Geneva. Most likely because my life is now BORING and I have nothing to do like jet off to Austria or Spain or something. That's just so so so much cooler than, so I went to work today and then came home and ate a crap load of food, further adding to the fatty-fatness that I have become since Europe. To help counter that I've started swimming again. And let me tell you. My body doesn't like its...OUCH!

It is good to be home though. I missed it. But I miss Geneva. But home is good. But Geneva was so cool! UGH!!...confusion...

I've just been working a TON which is good because I am now POOR and hanging out with a lot of friends that I missed like ca-RAZY! And I've also been enjoying my monumental amounts of alone time. Seriously. When you live with a crap load of people for four months and never get a second to yourself, you appreciate the time you get to yourself. And the fact that you can do WHATEVER and not have to worry about someone random coming into your space. Not that I didn't love my roommates, because I did. And they know it.

Something fun/cool/exciting that has happened it that I turned 21. And I celebrated. A lot. With a few of my favorite people. :) It was a really good birthday. Monumentally better than last year. Thank God...